Just Trying to Live This Life
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Gina Harader's LiveJournal:
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| Thursday, September 18th, 2008 | | 11:07 am |
| | Tuesday, September 9th, 2008 | | 3:00 pm |
August Books, Etc. 53) 'Stealing Athena' (Karen Essex) 54) 'Love, Work Children: A Novel' (Cheryl Mendelson) 55) 'American Eve: Evelyn Nesbit, Stanford White, The Birth of the "It" Girl' (Paula Uruburu) 56) 'Daphne: A Novel About the Author of "Rebecca"' (Justine Picardie) 57) 'In Pale Battalions' (Robert Goddard) 58) 'Past Caring' (Robert Goddard) 59) 'Thing of Darkness' (G.G. Pendarves) Currently reading: 'Mrs. Gaskell's Tales of Mystery and Horror' (Elizabeth Gaskell, Mike Ashley [editor]) I'm feeling better this week, but I think that the fatigue has finally caught up with me and is here to stay for the duration. I'm afraid that my reading time is down and napping is up, but I have to confess that I do love my naps:) Current Mood:  calm | | Thursday, September 4th, 2008 | | 10:32 am |
Please forgive me for ... ... being out of touch for the past week, but this latest round of chemo has knocked me flat. I'm hoping to be caught up in a couple of days. I miss you all. Current Mood:  exhausted | | Wednesday, August 27th, 2008 | | 12:42 pm |
Good Day/Bad Day First, the good part. Last Friday was our 27th wedding anniversary. I am so happy and grateful that I am married to this man. When I first found out that I had cancer earlier this year, I told him that it felt like I was about to jump off a cliff into the unknown. He said, "No, this is a journey that we're going to take together," and that is exactly what it has felt like. He has been there for me every step of the way. What I ever did to deserve him I do not know, but I am counting my blessings with all of my heart. The bad part of the day was chemo. It was my first infusion of the new drug, and it turns out that I am allergic to it. We are going to start with a new one in the same family this Friday, and I am so hoping that there aren't any problems because my reactions to the previous one were unnerving enough. There is a bright spot, though, and it's that I only have to have four infusions of this one over a 12-week period. Current Mood:  nervous | | Saturday, August 9th, 2008 | | 3:57 pm |
Drat (Again)
Well, it turns out that I'm not halfway through chemotherapy after all. The next course will be one treatment per week for twelve weeks, so I'm only a quarter of the way finished. But apparently this particular drug yields better results when given in smaller, more frequent doses, and creates fewer sides effects into the bargain, so I'm all for that. After chemo is done, I have radiation treatments, one per day, for 33 consecutive days, so guess who is probably not going to be cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year?
Current Mood: oh, well | | Friday, August 8th, 2008 | | 8:07 pm |
| | Monday, August 4th, 2008 | | 11:58 am |
On Being Bald, Etc. My hair was shedding so badly that I asked my regular hairdresser if he would shave my head about a month ago. He was so kind about it. He let me come in after hours so that I wouldn't have an audience and then didn't charge me. Jon gave him an extra-big tip when he went back the next day for his regular haircut. At first it was really strange seeing myself in the mirror, but I'm getting used to it. Actually, in a way it's quite liberating and exceedingly comfortable, especially in summer weather. I can understand why so many men shave their heads. I do feel a bit self-conscious about going out (I have special pull-on caps that I wear) because I don't want people to look at me and see "Cancer Patient," but I'm sure that that feeling will pass. This Friday is my fourth chemo appointment, which will mark the halfway point. I'm so happy because the next four treatments will be with a drug that is easier to tolerate, and then I'll be done with this stage of the adventure. Current Mood: calm | | Friday, August 1st, 2008 | | 1:30 pm |
July Books 46) 'The Remains of the Day' (Kazuo Ishiguro) 47) 'The Ghost Orchid' (Carol Goodman) [Reread] 48) 'The Sister' (Poppy Adams) 49) 'The Book of the Courtesans: A Catalogue of Their Virtues' (Susan Griffin) 50) 'The Blood Detective' (Dan Waddell) 51) 'The Minotaur' (Barbara Vine) 52) 'Court Lady and Country Wife: Two Noble Sisters in Seventeenth-Century England' (Lita-Rose Betcherman) I also broke my 50-page rule and read 200+ pages of one book and 70+ pages of another before admitting that both were duds. I could kick myself. All that time wasted that could have been spent on a good book. Luckily they were both paperbacks, so I don't feel too guilty about the expense. Current Mood: calm | | Wednesday, July 30th, 2008 | | 11:28 am |
Getting a Grip
I think that I am starting to pull myself up by my bootstraps regarding my daughter. The bottom line is that I, an incurable pessimist, am going to be working really hard on positive thinking in this matter. Everything I'm learning about this subject supports this line of thought, and I have to do it for her. She's been seen by three doctors, and I know that she is in good hands. She's also very responsible and competent, so I can trust in her judgement. She's very informed, and her attitude is relaxed and positive, for which I'm very grateful.
And, as always, thank you for all of your support.
Current Mood: getting there | | Thursday, July 17th, 2008 | | 11:15 am |
Thank you ...
... for all of your kind thoughts and comments about my daughter. They are a huge help, and I appreciate them so very much. I'm working on staying positive for her. It's a difficult process, but I am determined to do it. In the meantime, please forgive me if I'm a bit quieter than usual. | | Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 | | 5:56 pm |
Heartbroken
I feel like I'm living in the middle of a nightmare. My daughter, who is only 22, has two benign tumors in her left breast and a cyst in her right one. The plan is to monitor her condition with bi-monthly ultrasounds. Although her doctors say that this condition is quite common in women in her age and her attitude is very positive, I just can't get my mind around why this has to be happening at all. | | Saturday, July 12th, 2008 | | 6:10 am |
| | Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 | | 6:37 am |
Drat My hair is starting to fall out. I had hoped that somehow I might escape this particular side effect, but I guess that it's not to be. Oh, well, at least it will be a lot cooler for summer weather. Current Mood: disappointed | | Tuesday, July 8th, 2008 | | 7:00 pm |
Misc.
1. It's hot, in the 90's, and it feels like the entire state is on fire, with smoke everywhere. The heat is supposed to continue until the weekend. I feel like a perpetually wet washcloth.
2. It's not the first time that I've done this, but yesterday I started a book that sounded vaguely familiar, and sure enough, according to my reading list, it turns out that I read it over a year ago. Oh, well, I seem to have forgotten most of it, so I'm going to finish it (again).
3. Overall, I'm feeling much better, but the fatigue remains. It took me over a week to read one book, and it wasn't the book's fault.
4. Chemo again on Friday. I hope that it goes pretty much the same as the first treatment did. I also hope that I get to read more this time. The last time, there were so many people in and out that I only managed to read about 20 pages of my book. In fact, that one's still in my purse and since I've forgotten most of the bit that I did manage to read that day, I'll have to start it over again, too.
Current Mood: melting | | Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008 | | 1:47 pm |
June Books 35) 'In the Dark and Other Ghost Stories' (Mary E. Penn) 36) 'The Blue Room and Other Ghost Stories' (Lettice Galbraith) 37) 'Haunted Lily: The Nightmare Ball' (Sidney Fox) 38) 'Mozart's Ghost' (Julia Cameron) 39) 'Ivy' (Julia Hearn) 40) 'The House at Midnight' (Lucie Whitehouse) 41) 'The Unraveling of Violeta Bell' (C.R. Corwin) 42) 'The Girl With No Shadow' (Joanne Harris) 43) 'The Loveliest Woman in America: A Tragic Actress, Her Lost Diaries and Her Granddaughter's Search for Home' (Bibi Gaston) 44) 'A Circle of Sisters: Alice Kipling, Georgiana Burne-Jones, Agnes Poynter and Louisa Baldwin' (Judith Flanders) 45) 'The Love School' (John Hale) Current Mood:  lethargic | | Sunday, June 29th, 2008 | | 9:40 am |
One Down and Seven to Go
On Friday afternoon I had my first chemotherapy session, and I think that I'm going to be able to handle this. I'm tired and my "innards" felt pretty wobbly for the first two days, but I have four anti-nausea medications, and the first one that I tried did the job. I can't say enough good things about the staff at the cancer center. Everyone is so helpful and compassionate. And in a way, despite any discomfort, it feels good to be doing something concrete to fight back against this invader.
Current Mood: awake | | Monday, June 23rd, 2008 | | 12:42 pm |
I'm Excited One of my favorite genres is historical fiction based on the Pre-Raphaelites. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be much written in this vein, although I would think that there is a lot of source material and inspiration for novels about the PRB. As of today, my collection stands at nine books, with the newest addition being 'The Love School' (1975) by John Hale, which just arrived in the mail. I scour the internet periodically, and this finally showed up in a search the other day, so I am now a very happy reader. Current Mood: content | | Thursday, June 19th, 2008 | | 5:30 pm |
Relief My PET scan is normal. I can't begin to say how relieved I am. Thank you all for your support and encouragement. They are such a great help. Now it's on to chemo. Current Mood: grateful | | Wednesday, June 18th, 2008 | | 10:41 am |
Feeling Homicidal
As I mentioned previously, I was supposed to have my PET scan results on Monday. Well, it's Wednesday and still no news. When I called the nurse this morning, there was a voicemail message saying that she will be out of the office until tomorrow. Have I mentioned that waiting is not something that I do well? Maybe one of the lessons that I'm supposed to be learning from this experience is the virtue of patience, but I'm afraid that I'm not a very good student in this regard.
Current Mood: frazzled | | Sunday, June 15th, 2008 | | 10:44 am |
If you like the Pre-Raphaelites ...., ... then this is a very entertaining novel: http://www.amazon.com/Ivy-Julie-Hearn/dp/1416925066/ref=pd_bbs_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1213552090&sr=1-3Although it is written for young adults, it is better than many "adult" novels that I've read. In fact, although William and Jane Morris are referred to specifically, some background knowledge of the Pre-Raphaelites and their legend, which I can't imagine many young readers having, is key to part of the enjoyment of the book. For instance, there is the "Italian" painter and poet who lives at No. 16 Cheyne Walk in London and is never referred to by name, but looms large throughout the story, along with references to the tragic death of his young wife. And I loved the ending. All in all, a very satisfying read. Current Mood: bookish |
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